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It's my birthday! Woot 25! Am I old now? I feel it. Lol. Early to bed early to rise makes a man feel really old

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Some days are harder than others. And I'm not even sure what makes them different.
Today leaving her house I almost started crying, I miss her so much. And she's right in front of me.
I would do anything she asked of me in a moment.
But I'm stuck feeling so totally alone,

I love her so very much. I'm so sorry for the way I hurt her, and all I want is the chance again, to have the life I dreamed of not that long ago. To share everything I have with her. To express my love for her without crossing some line somewhere. That's what hurts the most, the simple fact that I can't do anything without crossing a line.
Just saying i love her (which I do many times a day) would piss off her bf if he had any idea how much she actually means to me

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It's hard sometimes. Who am I kidding it's hard all the time, loving someone who has someone else. Missing someone who's right in front of you.
She's my whole world. I would do anything for her.
I love her with everything I am. But I'm forced to watch her with someone else.
All I know, even if I don't get her back, is that I love her. So much.

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Yesterday was rehearsal, she read the second reading durint the service,
she sounded so amazing..
just hearing that, i feel even more in love with her.

she know i love her, but she has no idea how hard it is knowing she has someone else.
she wants me to get to know him, to get along with him.. for her i will try, for her i would do anything.
but i love her so much, with everything that i am.

I am left to wonder, if she has any idea just how much my heart still aches.
just how much i love her. how much i miss her.
i wonder if she has any idea how happy she makes me feel when shes around,
how much i would do for her if she only asked me.
Everything i have, is hers, even if she doesnt realize it.

Here I am again. Awake when I should be sleeping.
Jess is on my mind once more.
I love her so very much. Her company. Her personality.
That's really all I have to say right now ...... I love her so much... And I miss her so badly

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Theres something few people seem to get about me.
My actions make so little sense to people who may not know.

Im lonely.
Not just a little, but almost constantly....
Ive had so few close friends my entire life, Most of the people i call friend i dont even particularly care about.
I have a few, people who listen sometimes when i break down. but even theyve had enough of my sob stories.
I cant blame them, it seems to be all i can talk about lately....

But the core of it is the reality that im alone....
Im so afraid ill be alone forever...
Even my best friend i have to limit myself around, because if i dont ill either push her farther away, or cross a line somewhere and loose her forever too.
I have so few people in my life that im comfortable being me around....
So few people who even know when im upset..
Ive had so few people in my life that connect with me, I dont want to be a burden on anyone, i hate being a downer all the time, but i just wish i could let it all out to someone with out making things complicated,
I want tell jess just how much i miss her, how alone i feel,
How im so grateful for what she has done in my life.
I tell her every day how i love her, but i dont think she fully understands just how much she actually means to me. how totally lost i would be without her.
the worst part is, i cant really express it, i want to hold her in my arms, and show her just how amazing i feel she is, i want her to look into my eyes and see the love i feel for her.

.... She says I'm being to sappy, to much.
I dont know who else to be.

I love her so much

I'm so in love with her,
Even if I'm not around her she's on my mind constantly.

I don't want to cross any lines with her, but where the lines belong is hard to see when I feel like I do about her.

Its so hard to look at someone, hear her voice, to even think about her, and feel that she's the whole world.
She's so beautiful.
But even the smallest expressions of how I feel cross a line somewhere

But it's who I am. I'm in love with her, and to not say it kills inside,

I tried not talking to her. I just miss her more then.

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Early mornings seem to be the hardest, followed closely by right before bed....
Sometimes its the dreams, sometimes it's just knowing she's not next to me anymore.

I often find myself rolling over at night and expecting to see her asleep beside me. I don't know why, but sometimes I wake up and really expect to see her there. Like it's all just been a dream and she's asleep right beside me.

But it's not the way it is.
She has my heart, my love.
So completely.

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